Funny Wedding Stories #FailedWedding
There’s an old joke that’s especially apt for the unforeseen events that can derail the most well-organized wedding: Want to make God laugh? Make plans! At MGM Banquet Hall, we can walk you through every step of the planning process, but there are some things no one can predict, as these funny wedding stories attest. Forewarned is forearmed.
Take Stephanie’s story, shared on Facebook, about ‘Jim’. Our groomsman was so drunk that en route from the wedding venue to the hotel he vomited out the window of the bus. Not so bad, you think? The vomit, obeying some strange law of aerodynamics, traveled down the side of the bus and into the open window of the bride’s 80-year-old grandmother. Stephanie says she doesn’t speak to Jim anymore.
Kelli took to social media to describe the outcome of her brother-in-law’s wife getting in a few early drinks, before seriously hitting the booze. She threw candy at the bride during the speeches, rubbed cheesecake into her husband’s eyes, and slapped two groomsmen. That performance earned her a special place in the wedding fails hall of infamy and an exile lasting six years and counting…
What about the bride who got so trashed she ended up horizontal on the dance floor and kindly asked guests to dance around her. Then there’s the blitzed mother who turned up at the honeymoon suite wearing a bathmat – and nothing else – and climbed into bed with the newlyweds. File this under ‘small mercies’ of funny wedding stories: at least she vomited into the garbage can.
The officiant… interrupted
Les Waff told Reddit about the priest decidedly not amused by a phone that started to ring during the middle of service. Wagging his metaphorical finger, he lectured the congregation about turning off their devices. Then he realized it was his cell phone that had been ringing. Was he channeling Mr. Bean’s vicar in Four Weddings and a Funeral?
Sometimes the magistrate knows the couple a little too well. The wedding of the ‘Diffident Dissident’ took an awkward turn when the magistrate called the bride by her husband’s ex-girlfriend’s name. Three times! We’re sure he meant well, but his additional comment about the couple “taking each other off life support” offered a different kind of beat to the death-do-us-part lyric – until he mentioned he had “unplugged my mom a few years prior”. Thanks for sharing. No amount of wedding planning can cover for that.
Now we get to combine the first two wedding fails categories: the drunk officiant. This one got so inebriated that he crashed his car into the catering truck. Using fuzzy logic, he then claimed the truck had hit him. His officiousness ultimately came back into play when he sued the caterer, the venue and his employers. We wish him a happy hangover.
She loves him NOT!
Corinthians 13 is a testament to love but its reading by the officiant in one of the more bizarre funny wedding stories did nothing for one groom’s ex-wife, who stood at the back of the church yelling “NOT!”. “Love is patient, love is kind, reads the verse.” NOT! “It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” NOT! “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.” NOT! We get it. Love hurts.
“Please don’t die at our wedding”
One groom reports seeing his wife’s grandma, all of 98, fall sideways off her chair with a “terrible sense of inevitability”. This was most certainly not factored into the wedding planning. She maintained a rigor mortis-like pose until she landed gracefully on the floor. He says it now because gran eventually made it to 100, but all he could think of was: “Please don’t die at our wedding, please don’t die at our wedding…”
If you think that’s a bit selfish, consider this. There are all sorts of caveats that should be handed out to best men before their speeches to prevent awful wedding fails. All we can say about this one is at least he didn’t mention any ex-girlfriends. The groom’s buddy toasted the reception with a story about Mike being super selfish. So selfish that at the bachelor party, after the guys had hired hookers, Mike took three all for himself. Selfish!
The ‘drunk uncle’ story is a virtual meme. Here’s a variation and a warning not to hire one as a photographer. This uncle fell through a wall between drinks (as you do), and forgot to put a memory card in the camera. No photos. Meanwhile, we don’t know if he was a professional or not, but the story of the photographer who only had eyes for the maid-of-honor is a cautionary tale. Half the photos were of her, and exactly zero of the bride and groom.
Short and sweet
Finally, even the guests were feeling a little bemused when a groom pulled out a very long speech for his vows, full of intimacy, depth, and passion, and crafted as a central piece of his wedding planning. For those long five minutes, he poured out his heart. In response, the subject of his yearnings giggled loudly and said simply: “Ditto”. You may kiss the bride.